The Day Everyone in My House Got Replaced by Horror Movie Characters

The Day Everyone in My House Got Replaced by Horror Movie Characters
(And I Just Wanted to Bake Biscuits)

July 15, 2025 – A Woman’s Wondering

There are days when my home feels like a soft place to land —
And then there are days when it feels like I’ve wandered into the director’s cut of Silence of the Lambs, with a script I didn’t approve and characters I definitely didn’t audition.

Welcome to today.

My husband, a freshly reformed smoker at the valiant age of 58, is currently mad at oxygen. Literally. Not the world, not the government — oxygen. He wakes up angry that he has to breathe it. He walks through the house like a man betrayed by the air, carrying a rage so silent and broody I sometimes wonder if the curtains offended him too.

My daughter, bless her independent soul, is in a full-blown emotional boxing match with her reflection. Same birthday as him. Both Virgos. Both convinced they’re right. I live in a battlefield of passive-aggressive tea-making and dramatic door-closing.

 I am… the reluctant peace treaty wrapped in a dishtowel.

It’s horror. It’s comedy. It’s "I can’t make this stuff up."

And here I am — apron on, coffee cooling, trying to tiptoe through the minefield while also preparing for my first ever book signing.   A book filled with soft stories, sweet memories, and things like faith and gratitude and beauty in the ordinary.

Which feels hilarious when the only ordinary thing around here is the chaos.

But here’s what I’ve decided:
I’m showing up anyway.

Even when I want to scream into a tin of baking powder.
Even when no one in my house understands what I’m trying to build.
Even when I feel like I’m living with two storm systems and a moody barometer.

Because I know — buried somewhere beneath all the sighing and stomping and tension — there is still joy worth writing about.

And one day, maybe one of them will read my book and say,
“Hey… this one sounds like you were writing about us.”

To which I will smile and say:
“Of course it is, my loves. I’ve been surviving you for years.”

Until then, I’ll keep the kettle on, the biscuits in the oven, and the stories coming.

Because someone’s got to make sure this horror movie has a happy ending.

Your apron wearing referee

Lezanne

If your house ever feels like a haunted film set and you're just trying to keep the tea warm — you're not alone. Come sit with me awhile. Let’s laugh about it before we cry about it. 💛